Angels Watching Over You

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We started B plus 3 last year when we found out we were having identical triplets.  We began the blog with so much excitement and a desire to share our “1 in a million” experience with our family and friends. The blog has remained incomplete for more reasons than we ever hope to count.

“When a baby is born, it’s a mother’s instinct to protect the baby.  When a baby dies, it’s the mother’s instinct to protect their memory.” – Unknown

When you lose a child (or in our case children), you are given the unending and extremely difficult task of navigating the life you had planned without them.  Part of your life revolves around constantly trying to figure out the best way to honor them despite their short time on earth. You hope with all of your heart that others will remember them.  When you lose a baby, a baby that most never got the chance to meet, it becomes that much more difficult.  This has been a struggle for me.  Wanting so badly to share them, but never knowing if people are comfortable with meeting them.

For some time, I have felt strongly about writing one last post.  To introduce Jack, Caden and Cameron Bryan to the people who prayed so hard for them and never got the chance to meet them. I know they would have loved to meet you.

“An angel in the Book of Life wrote down my baby’s birth.  Then whispered as he closed the book “Too beautiful for earth.”

Jack Bryan (Our Baby B)

Jack gained his angel wings on June 23, 2016.  We never held Jack in our arms but, because our boys were identical, we know that he was as beautiful as his brothers.

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What I know about Jack:

He was on this earth for 20 weeks and 6 days. He was energetic and always reminding me that he was here.   He did not have enough room to grow like his brothers.  He was not meant for this world, he was meant to have wings.  He sacrificed all he had for Caden and Cameron so that they could get here to meet us.  We have no doubt that Jack welcomed his brothers and his Granddad into Heaven. I imagine he felt incomplete without them with him.  Although he was only here a short time, Jack is my hero.

Caden Randall Bryan (Our Baby A)

5 pounds 7 ounces, 17 1/2 inches

Born still on September 14, 2016 @ 12:34pm

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What I know about Caden:

He spent 32 weeks and 5 days on this earth.  He was a fighter. Caden had a congenital heart defect that we hoped could be corrected some time after birth.  We wouldn’t know until he arrived if surgery would even be necessary. Caden fought hard to get Cameron here.  He kept going even when the doctors didn’t think he could.  At around 30 weeks, we knew that he and Cameron would be here soon. We were so optimistic and so proud of him for making it so far.

I knew from the beginning that Caden would always be testing  his heart and his limits. He was full of energy and always kicking Cameron and Jack in every ultrasound.  I think he was letting them know that they were in it together.  That he was doing the best he could and he wouldn’t let them down.

Cameron Thomas Bryan (Our Baby C)

4 lbs 9 oz, 17 1/2 inches

Born on September 14, 2016 @ 12:31pm

Cameron joined his brothers in Heaven on September 16, 2016 at 5:20pm as we held him in our arms.

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What I know about Cameron:

He was on this earth for 33 weeks.  Throughout my entire pregnancy, Cameron always seemed to be “along for the ride”.  He was always so calm during our appointments and cooperated for the doctors during almost every one of our more than 40 ultrasounds.  I like to think that he would have been that way if he were here.  Cameron was baptized in the hospital and was a living, breathing angel in our midst for the two days he was with us.  The deacon in the NICU said that he was the closest thing to a saint that we will ever meet on earth.  I couldn’t agree more.

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“Angels watching over you”

I have been indecisive about sharing our angel stories because they are so special to us and I’m sure they may be hard for some to believe.  I figure that if they can bring even an ounce of peace to at least one other person the way they have for me, then I have to mention them.

Just a few days after her brothers went to Heaven, Brooklyn and I were sitting in our living room at home playing at her desk.  Out of the blue, she put her hand on my shoulder.  She began singing “angels watching over you” a song that she learned several months prior (the lyrics are really “angels watching over me“). She repeated it several times and has done so several times since then.  I always say to her “angels watching over Brooklyn” and she insists on correcting me. “No, Mommy.  Angels watching over YOU.” I know her brothers are telling me they are ok.

At the Gator Bowl game honoring my dad in December, we were at a brunch at the stadium prior to the game. My mom and I noticed Brooklyn looking towards the sky and waving.  She had a big smile on her face.  When we asked her who she was waving at, she got shy and didn’t answer.  A few days later, TR’s mom asked her what she was waving at and, without hesitation, she said “Cameron.  He’s an angel.  He has wings.”  A few moments later, we asked her if Cameron was by himself and she said “No.  Jack, Caden and Granddad were there.”

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I believe that the boys and my dad are always sending us signs from Heaven.

I hope they never stop.

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We have found and continue to find various ways to include the boys in our daily lives. My mom and dad purchased a lime tree for us in their honor.  It was planted in the first week of October and has more than 50 limes on it already.  We can’t believe it.

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Jack, Caden and Cameron Bryan left a legacy of LOVE on this earth. Love is the reason they were here in the first place and the reason that we are able to continue on without them here. Without a doubt they loved all of us.  Most importantly they loved each other and they are together.

We miss them so much.  More than I can put into words. We are forever changed because of them.

“Where there is great loss, there is even greater love.”  For all of your LOVE  – for our boys, for our Brooklyn, for my dad and for us – we are forever grateful.

Thank you for meeting them. Thank you for loving them.

We couldn’t get through this without you.

~ Melissa

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Rub a Dub Dub, Three Boys in a Tum!

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At our recent doctor visit it was suggested that I undergo genetic testing to rule out a problem they suspected with one of the babies. After a long two weeks and faithful prayers from family and friends we were given the wonderful news that all of their chromosomes are normal. There are no words to describe what it is like to get a phone call like this. Other families who have to go through this are  now in our thoughts and prayers at all times.

Along with this great news, we were told that the triplets are identical boys. We couldn’t be more thrilled that the Bryan name will continue on and Brooklyn will always hold a special place as our first born and only daughter.

After hearing the word “triplets” the number 3 has taken on a life of its own. It jumps out at us at every turn. It’s like things that come in threes are now highlighted in neon lights. We can’t help but notice them and the new meanings they have for us.

Children’s Stories: The stories that we read to Brooklyn now have a new significance. The 3 Little Pigs, Goldilocks and the 3 Bears, 3 Little Kittens, 3 Blind Mice, and Winken, Blinken, and Nod no longer seem mundane but are exciting stories featuring multiples. They also spark ideas for future Halloween costumes.

3 Goals in a Hat Trick: As a former hockey player, you know TR will wonder if there is a special award for 3 identical boys playing on the same team each scoring a goal in a single game.

3 Ring Circus: The Bryan household, our new normal!

3’s A Crowd: Next time you complain about eating too much at Thanksgiving, imagine carrying triplets.

The 3 Musketeers: We know these boys will be a force to be reckoned with when it comes to protecting their big sister.

Rock, Paper, Scissors: The game we’ll play when it’s time for all those diaper changes.

Triple Threat: Heaven help us when they join forces to gang up on us.

3 Sheets to the Wind: What TR and I will be on the day that the last college tuition payment is sent.

On Your Mark, Get Set, Go! Ready or not, we will soon be a family of six facing all the challenges that life throws at us, but we’ll do it with God’s help and lots and lots of love!

Googling “Triplets”

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What’s the first thing you do after the news of having triplets begins to sink in? You Google. You Google every question you can think of.  And there are A LOT of questions.

One thing you quickly learn is that triplets are rare and when something is rare the information is hard to come by. We have spent hours researching online, reading blogs from other parents of multiples and watching YouTube videos of healthy and happy triplet babies. Since we have had so many questions about the babies from family and friends, we decided to put together some of the most interesting facts we have learned so far.

Delivery

  • Average gestational age at time of delivery is 32 weeks
  • Average birth weight for triplets is 4lbs 1oz.
  • Average NICU stay is 18-19 days
  • Average days in the hospital is 22-23 days

Zygosity

  • 80.7% of triplets are all fraternal
  • 2.9% of triplets are all identical
  • 11.6 % of triplets are a combination of identical and fraternal
  • Types of triplets: 
  • Trichorionic/Triamniotic (tri/tri) triplets:

TRI TRI

  •  Dichorionic/Triamniotic (di/tri) triplets:

MONO DI

  • Monochorionic/Triamniotic (mo/tri) triplets:

MONO TRI

  • In addition to the three types of triplets listed above, there are also Monchorionic/Monoamniotic (mo/mo) triplets. Essentially these are triplets who are sharing not only one placenta, but they are also sharing one amniotic sac. This is extremely rare. 

Gender

  • 49.51% of triplets are female
  • 49.36% of triplets are male

Random Facts

  • Identical multiples exhibit almost identical brain wave patterns.
  • The rate for identical, or monozygotic, multiples is random and universal; it’s the same in all populations regardless of race, heredity or other factors, and it has remained constant over time.
  • Twins and multiples have been known to develop their own ‘language’ that only they understand. This is known as cryptophasia.

Cost of raising triplets for the next 18 years

  •  Still too afraid to Google this one.

 We will know more about what type of triplets we are having next week so stay tuned!

Telling Family and Friends

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What They Said/What They Were Probably Thinking

Grandparents

 We first told our parents, because who better to comfort you when you think your world has ended?  Of course they said all the right things.  In fact, it was like they each had a copy of the same script, but we know they had additional thoughts.

“God has blessed you with a miracle. / This will be challenging and exhausting but it will be the greatest adventure of their lives.

God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. / I just hope He gives them a winning lottery ticket next!

It will be fine, Melissa. / How is she going to fit 3 babies in that stomach of hers?

You grow those babies and TR will take care of the finances. / Good Heavens!  How is he going to support a family of 6?

You have plenty of people to help you through this. / There goes my vacation, book club, garden club, church work, lunch with the girls for the next couple of years. . .

We are going to adore those babies. / We are going to adore those babies!” 

Great-Grandparents

Brooklyn is blessed to have 4 great-grandparents, all healthy and active and a big part of our lives.  They were the next to hear our exciting news.  The wonderful thing about living so long is you see no need to sugar coat anything so we knew exactly what they were thinking.

“Wow!  How did that happen?

What kind of insurance do you have?

Hmmm . . . that’s a lot to handle!

We can’t wait to meet those babies!”

Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins

We waited until Easter weekend to tell our siblings and their families.  By then, we were somewhat used to the idea and thought we could make the announcement without bursting into tears or a cold sweat.  The shock was not all consuming now but still came in waves. Their initial reactions were stunned silence mixed with nervous laughter.  Then they realized we were serious and jumped in with congratulations.

“Well, we do have twins in the family. / Having twins is one thing, but triplets???

Don’t worry about visiting me in Arizona; I’ll come see you. / Can you imagine flying with 4 kids?

Maybe Disney will give you free passes. / You’ll be lucky to keep up with 4 kids in your own backyard.

You should contact all the baby product companies. /Now is not the time to be picky about what diapers you use.  You’ll need every freebie you can get.

I hope you have a boy. / As a boy with 3 girl cousins, there had better be at least one boy in that trio.

We’ll all be fighting over who gets to hold the babies. / We’ll all be fighting over who gets to hold the babies!”

Extended Family and Friends

This news was too big to keep to ourselves so we began to share it with the rest of our family and friends.  We figured we could use all the prayers we could get and that sentiment was validated when their first words were usually, “Oh my God!” or “Dear Lord!”

“Triplets??? / We didn’t know TR had it in him!

You’re going to need a bigger car. / Nothing screams “soccer mom” like a minivan or suburban.  Poor TR will never own a sports car.

God chose you for a reason. / Better you than me!

You’ll be great parents to these kids. / That certainly takes the pressure off the rest of us to have kids.

That’s amazing. / I don’t know what my girlfriends were really thinking but they felt the need to bring me flowers the next day.

We will shower these babies with love. / We will shower these babies with love!”

Brooklyn

We told our 18-month-old daughter that she is going to be a big sister but she doesn’t quite understand.  It’s one thing to say that mama has a baby in her tummy, but how do you explain 3 babies when she has barely mastered counting to 2?  One thing we know for sure.  She will love these siblings with all her heart!

Oh Baby! Oh Baby! Oh Baby!

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Today I heard the words every woman longs to hear, “You’re pregnant.” Then I heard the words that would strike fear in any woman, “You’re having triplets!”  Those were the last words I remember.  From that point on my body went numb and my brain went dead, and there were a few tears.

I know triplets don’t seem that unusual anymore in these times of in vitro fertilization and large multiples, but to this working wife and mother of a toddler all I could think was, how could this be? How did our well-planned family actually double over night?  Well, it seems this little quirk of nature happens naturally once in every 8,100 pregnancies and our odds go up because we have twins on both sides of the family.

I assume the shock factor was still in place when I almost put nail glue in my eyes instead of eye drops. My husband, although putting on a brave face, missed his work exit by a full 10 minutes.

We are blessed to have a wonderful support system in place, two sets of grandparents and four energetic great-grandparents, along with siblings and friends ready to jump in and help us. We are also blessed to know that God thinks we are the ones to take on this task.

Hang on; this is sure to be the start of a bumpy and joyful ride! For those of you who are wondering, this is no April Fools joke!